Getting back on track in a relationship after years of life revolving around kids, work, and everything else that comes with it is harder than I expected. For years, our relationship had slotted into routines, school runs, meal planning, and wet towels abandoned in places that defy logic. Nights weren’t exactly romantic; I either went to bed early to avoid intermacey as I was nackered or stayed up later, waiting for my partner to drift off first. Not because I didn’t love him, but because intimacy, connection, even basic conversation had somehow been pushed down the list of priorities.
And then, life shifted. The kids left home, and suddenly, there were no more chaotic schedules to keep up with. No more last-minute calls asking for lifts, no more constant noise filling the background. I should have felt relieved, maybe even excited to have time again, but instead, I found myself thinking, *What do we even do now?*
Why Rediscovering Each Other Feels So Strange
It’s not that I don’t love or fancy my husband, I do. However, over time, we grew accustomed to sidestepping closeness. It became easier to keep things light, to focus on practicalities rather than emotions. So when the routines disappeared, I realised I had no idea how to suddenly “reconnect” without making it feel like a scheduled task.
Menopause didn’t help. Between the hot flashes, the brain fog and the general irritation at everything, the idea of rekindling romance felt exhausting. I mean, some nights, I genuinely just wanted to lie in bed with a cold flannel and complain about synthetic bedding. Hormones made me snappier than usual, and suddenly, even the smallest things felt *huge*. He didn’t understand why I cried at a toothpaste advert, and I didn’t understand why he kept leaving cupboard doors open. We were both adjusting in ways that felt separate from each other, rather than something we were going through together.
Finding Our Way Back
It’s not about forcing intimacy or pretending things are the same as they were years ago. It’s about finding new ways to feel close without it feeling awkward or pressured.
Date Nights at Home
We didn’t need grand gestures—sometimes, just sitting together without distractions was enough. I started making an effort to turn off my phone, light some candles, order a takeaway, and actually talk. Not about bills or responsibilities, just about life, things that made us laugh, things we’d forgotten we enjoyed.
Laughing at the Weird Stuff
This one saved us. I realised humour was one of the easiest ways to rebuild closeness. Whether it was me complaining about menopause turning me into a human radiator or both of us declaring war over the thermostat settings, laughter made it easier to be around each other without feeling pressured to “fix” anything.
Touching More Often
Not in any intense, romantic way, just small things that reminded us we were there, together. Holding hands while walking down the street, resting a hand on his back as I passed him in the kitchen, leaning against each other while watching TV. Those tiny gestures made a bigger difference than I expected.
Talking About Random Things
Deep conversations are great, but they weren’t happening naturally. Instead, we just started talking about whatever popped into our heads. “Do you think squirrels give each other names?” became a serious discussion one night, and weirdly, it was one of the first times we’d laughed like that in months. I realised then, it’s not always about discussing the big emotional stuff. Sometimes, it’s just about keeping the friendship alive.
Handling the Hiccups
There were days when I craved closeness, and other days, I wanted everyone, including the cat, out of my personal space. And honestly? That was fine. Giving each other the freedom to feel whatever we were feeling helped.
And then there were the mood swings. Menopause turned the smallest irritations into battles, and some days, I could feel my temper flaring over things that, in hindsight, weren’t that important. It took a while, but I started catching myself, pausing to ask, Would this have annoyed me five years ago, or is this just a menopause thing? More often than not, it was the latter.
Instead of holding onto grudges, I tried something new, acknowledging when I was being unreasonable. Sorry, that wasn’t fair; my hormones are acting up. It became a phrase that saved us both a lot of unnecessary stress.
Little Rituals That Made a Difference
Instead of forcing reconnection, we focused on small, easy things that kept the bond alive.
Morning Check-ins
I started making an effort to ask how he slept and offer him a cup of tea. If he were up before me for work, he would leave me a tea in a travel cup. It wasn’t revolutionary, but it softened the mornings, made the day feel calmer.
Weekly Recaps
We started spending ten minutes catching up on the week, what went well, what was frustrating, and what was funny. We didn’t treat it like a deep emotional check-in; it was just a casual chat while walking or sitting outside.
Shared Goals
We picked simple things to focus on together. Watching a new TV series, saving for a weekend away, even just attempting to go to bed at the same time twice in one week. Small things, but they made us feel like we were working toward something together again.
Small Wins That Meant Everything
The reconnection didn’t come through some grand plan. It came from small, everyday things:
– Making each other laugh—bonus points if he snorted.
– Catching each other’s eye across the room—even if it was just in the kitchen.
– Successfully navigating a hot flash crisis together, whether it was him handing me a cold drink or me standing in front of the fridge.
– Remembering an anniversary—or at least remembering where we’d stashed the emergency chocolate.
Rediscovering our relationship wasn’t about going back to what we used to be; it was about finding something new within the life we have now. Love shifts and changes, but it doesn’t disappear. We didn’t need to have it all figured out, we just needed to keep showing up for each other, one laugh, one small gesture and one shared moment at a time.
💬 Let’s talk! Have you been on your own journey of rediscovering your relationship with your partner? What’s worked for you? What challenges have surprised you? Or, if you’re looking to reconnect, what’s one thing you’d love to explore together (keep it clean)? Drop a comment—I’d love to hear your perspective and keep the conversation going!